| Dear Dr. J.It's not that unusual for our | | | | the progression of teenage relationships |
| sixteen-year-old daughter to come home after | | | | seems so different. The time between the |
| midnight, and sometimes we fall asleep before | | | | first kiss and intercourse seems to have |
| she gets home. Last week we woke up in the | | | | diminished dramatically, and this is |
| morning and Lisa wasn't in her bed.My husband | | | | unsettling for most parents. It helps to |
| and I panicked! We called every friend of | | | | remember that teenagers have their own |
| Lisa's we knew and nobody knew where she was. | | | | concerns about sexuality. The are aware and |
| We then called the police and all the local | | | | concerned about pregnancy, sexually |
| hospitals. I thought for sure she was dead, | | | | transmitted diseases, broken hearts, and bad |
| or, at the very least, badly injured or | | | | reputations.The best advice I can give you is |
| something. I didn't know what to think and | | | | to remember that if teenagers want to have |
| my mind was racing to all the terrible | | | | sex, they will find a way to do so. What you |
| possibilities. We were riding around town | | | | want to do is give your daughter guidance |
| looking for her when she called us on her | | | | about the meaning |
| cell phone from homeWhen we got there, I just | | | | |
| lost it. I couldn't stop screaming at her! | | | | of sharing herself sexually with her |
| Later she came to me (when I had calmed down) | | | | boyfriend, safe sex, and birth control. Talk |
| and told me that she had fallen asleep at her | | | | to her about what having sex with her |
| boyfriend's house (he's 17). I didn't even | | | | boyfriend means to her at this age. Be sure |
| know she was dating somebody. Now I have | | | | to listen. At 16, this relationship |
| found out that she's sleeping with some guy! | | | | undoubtedly will not be permanent, so talk to |
| I don't know what to do.JoyceDear JoycePart | | | | her about how many boys she thinks it is |
| of your response is surprise and dismay | | | | appropriate for her to have sex with. |
| because your 16-year-old is acting in ways | | | | Validate her feelings and try to use as many |
| that seem very different from what you expect | | | | opportunities as you can to give |
| or want. It can be tempting to try to | | | | guidance.Even if she were not having sex, it |
| control her | | | | is important for you to meet the boyfriend |
| | | | she hasn't told you about. Invite him to |
| sexual activity by grounding or punishing | | | | your home and make sure he is welcome to |
| her in some way, but that doesn't usually | | | | spend time there. |
| work. Teenagers who are forbidden to see | | | | |
| their "love" often rebel completely. Many of | | | | If they are not at your house (supervised), |
| them choose dishonesty and subterfuge to keep | | | | they will be somewhere else (unsupervised). |
| their parents from finding out they're having | | | | If you are willing to get to know him, |
| sex.This is confusing because if you want | | | | hopefully you will have a lot more influence |
| your daughter to exercise restraint, but | | | | on them, and can talk with them about their |
| don't want her to start lying and sneaking | | | | relationship. I hope he is somebody you will |
| around, what do you do? Basic rules such as | | | | approve of because if he becomes "the enemy" |
| limits about where | | | | you have lost the opportunity to have a |
| | | | direct connection with your daughter's new |
| boyfriends are allowed to be, curfew times, | | | | relationship. Stay connected.Dr. J.Jennifer |
| and keeping open communication about her | | | | J. Sowle, PhD is a Licensed Psychologist and |
| relationships are helpful. Along with "house | | | | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She |
| rules", though, many parents would like to | | | | is also an AASECT Certified Sex Educator and |
| set limits on their adolescents' sexual | | | | Sex Therapist. Dr. Sowle has a private |
| experiences. That's a little more difficult | | | | psychological practice in Northern |
| to do.Sexual experimentation is normal during | | | | Michigan.Dr. |
| adolescence. What bothers parents is that | | | | |