| Why is it that we have no problem lounging around in | | | | 2. Experience more negative emotions when |
| our favorite sweatpants (with the hole in the knee) and | | | | together; |
| our favorite threadbare T-shirt (with the rip in the | | | | 3. Become less tolerant of each other's foibles; |
| sleeve) in front of our spouse/partner, but if our friends | | | | 4. Pull back emotionally and stop sharing the deepest |
| co-workers were on the way over, we'd change into | | | | parts of themselves with one another; |
| something "decent" in a quick hurry? Now I'm not | | | | 5. Can begin to feel trapped in the marriage or |
| suggesting we throw away our comfortable clothes (I | | | | relationship. |
| love those sweatpants!), but I am suggesting we look | | | | Commit to increasing your likability quotient |
| at the curious differences between how hard we try | | | | For many couples, continuing to act in ways that will |
| to get most people to like us, and how many of us in | | | | keep like alive doesn't fall under the commitment |
| long-term relationships have stopped trying that hard | | | | umbrella. This should change: after all, don't you want |
| where our spouse/partner is concerned. | | | | your partner to continue to like you? |
| Part of the reason we might be comfortable "any old | | | | For a moment, think back to when you first starting |
| way" in front of our spouse/partner is due to that | | | | dating your spouse/partner. In this "wooing" stage, you |
| feeling of comfort we build after knowing that other | | | | probably acted in ways to make your new |
| person for a while, after feeling secure that they love | | | | love-interest like you (with the goal of capturing her/his |
| us, "warts and all." That's a good thing, and should be | | | | love). You understood the importance and power of |
| celebrated. But let's look at another reason we may | | | | getting your partner to like you. |
| not care so much about putting our best foot forward | | | | Now it's time to set up a Maintenance Likeability Plan. |
| for our mate: we don’t feel we need to anymore. | | | | Your plan should be to keep the likeability factor alive |
| Marriage help: Does your spouse/partner still like you? | | | | and well. This doesn't have to be a complicated, |
| When you were first dating, you weren't only aware | | | | exhausting process. In fact, the simpler, the better. To |
| of desire for that special someone—you were | | | | create a personalized likeability plan for your marriage |
| aware of whether or not you liked him/her (and | | | | or relationship, ask yourself the following: |
| whether those feelings of like were returned). Like is a | | | | What did you do early on in the relationship that helped |
| grossly overlooked aspect of long-term romantic | | | | you woo your partner? |
| relationships, and the missing ingredient for many | | | | What is your partner drawn to about you and does s |
| couples who report they've "fallen out of love" with | | | | he still find these traits appealing? (If you're uncertain |
| their partners or that they love their mate, but are no | | | | about this, ask him/her). |
| longer "in love" with them. | | | | Reflect on these questions—your responses will give |
| You have no trouble making sure your friends like you | | | | you important information that can guide you. For |
| and want to hang out with you. Now how about | | | | instance, if one of the things your partner was drawn |
| maintaining that for your most important relationship, | | | | to was your sense of humor (and over the years of |
| your intimate relationship? | | | | domesticity, this has been lost), then you can take |
| When you stop liking your spouse/partner | | | | necessary steps to bring humor back into the |
| When a marriage/relationship becomes distressed, it | | | | relationship mix. |
| can feel as if you still love your spouse or partner but | | | | Do you want to receive expert marriage advice and |
| that you're not "in love" with him/her any longer. I've | | | | relationship tips each month? |
| observed a pattern for some of these couples that | | | | Visit the Relationship Toolbox Newsletter and sign up |
| might be summarized as: | | | | for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Newsletter. |
| "While I still may love you, I'm pretty sure I don't like you | | | | As a bonus you will receive the popular free reports: |
| anymore." | | | | "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" |
| Falling out of like with your spouse/partner can pose a | | | | and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you |
| significant challenge to your relationship. When you like | | | | argue before your arguments control you." |
| someone, you want to be around that person and | | | | Are you ready to take your relationship to the next |
| spend as much time as possible with him/her—and | | | | level? |
| the opposite is true when you no longer like someone. | | | | Check out the Healthy Relationship Program: A |
| Couples who no longer like one another: | | | | Comprehensive Workbook Series for Couples. |
| 1. Avoid each other whenever possible; | | | | |