| Why is it that we have no problem lounging around in | | | | significant challenge to your relationship. When you like |
| our favorite sweatpants (with the hole in the knee) and | | | | someone, you want to be around that person and |
| our favorite threadbare T-shirt (with the rip in the | | | | spend as much time as possible with him/her-and the |
| sleeve) in front of our spouse/partner, but if our friends | | | | opposite is true when you no longer like someone. |
| co-workers were on the way over, we'd change into | | | | Couples who no longer like one another: |
| something "decent" in a quick hurry? Now I'm not | | | | 1. Avoid each other whenever possible; |
| suggesting we throw away our comfortable clothes (I | | | | 2. Experience more negative emotions when together; |
| love those sweatpants!), but I am suggesting we look | | | | 3. Become less tolerant of each other's foibles; |
| at the curious differences between how hard we try | | | | 4. Pull back emotionally and stop sharing the deepest |
| to get most people to like us, and how many of us in | | | | parts of themselves with one another; |
| long-term relationships have stopped trying that hard | | | | 5. Can begin to feel trapped in the marriage or |
| where our spouse/partner is concerned. | | | | relationship. |
| Part of the reason we might be comfortable "any old | | | | Marriage advice: Commit to increasing your likability |
| way" in front of our spouse/partner is due to that | | | | quotient |
| feeling of comfort we build after knowing that other | | | | For many couples, continuing to act in ways that will |
| person for a while, after feeling secure that they love | | | | keep like alive doesn't fall under the commitment |
| us, "warts and all." That's a good thing, and should be | | | | umbrella. This should change: after all, don't you want |
| celebrated. But let's look at another reason we may | | | | your partner to continue to like you? |
| not care so much about putting our best foot forward | | | | For a moment, think back to when you first starting |
| for our mate: we don't feel we need to anymore. | | | | dating your spouse/partner. In this "wooing" stage, you |
| Does your spouse/partner still like you? | | | | probably acted in ways to make your new |
| When you were first dating, you weren't only aware | | | | love-interest like you (with the goal of capturing her/his |
| of desire for that special someone-you were aware | | | | love). You understood the importance and power of |
| of whether or not you liked him/her (and whether | | | | getting your partner to like you. |
| those feelings of like were returned). Like is a grossly | | | | Marriage help: It's time to set up a Maintenance |
| overlooked aspect of long-term romantic relationships, | | | | Likability Plan. |
| and the missing ingredient for many couples who | | | | Your plan should be to keep the likability factor alive |
| report they've "fallen out of love" with their partners or | | | | and well. This doesn't have to be a complicated, |
| that they love their mate, but are no longer "in love" | | | | exhausting process. In fact, the simpler, the better. To |
| with them. | | | | create a personalized likability plan for your marriage or |
| You have no trouble making sure your friends like you | | | | relationship, ask yourself the following: |
| and want to hang out with you. Now how about | | | | What did you do early on in the relationship that helped |
| maintaining that for your most important relationship, | | | | you woo your partner? |
| your intimate relationship?marriage alert: When you | | | | What is your partner drawn to about you and does s |
| stop liking your spouse/partner | | | | he still find these traits appealing? (If you're uncertain |
| When a marriage/relationship becomes distressed, it | | | | about this, ask him/her). |
| can feel as if you still love your spouse or partner but | | | | Reflect on these questions-your responses will give |
| that you're not "in love" with him/her any longer. I've | | | | you important information that can guide you. For |
| observed a pattern for some of these couples that | | | | instance, if one of the things your partner was drawn |
| might be summarized as: | | | | to was your sense of humor (and over the years of |
| While I still may love you, I'm pretty sure I don't like you | | | | domesticity, this has been lost), then you can take |
| anymore." | | | | necessary steps to bring humor back into the |
| Falling out of like with your spouse/partner can pose a | | | | relationship mix. |