| We are sexual beings, throughout the
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| | to "achieve" climax, it
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| lifespan. This includes the later years
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| | short-changes both partners' pleasure
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| of life, which are often overlooked in
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| | and places enormous
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| discussions of sexuality. In this
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| | performance expectations and demands -
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| article I want to address some
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| | which can turn sex from
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| misconceptions about aging and sexuality;
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| | playful, spontaneous, pleasurable
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| report some survey information on sexual
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| | sensual intimacy between two
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| behavior among seniors; describe
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| | people who care about each other into
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| physical, psychological and medical
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| | something like a chore.I highly recommend
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| changes that may accompany aging; and
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| | Marty Klein's book Let Me Count the Ways:
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| suggest positive and affirming ways for
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| | Great Sex Without Intercourse as an
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| seniors to continue to enjoy their
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| | excellent guide and
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| sexuality to the fullest.I. Some Myths
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| | encouragement in your creativity. (For
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| about Aging and SexualityMany cultural
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| | more information about
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| "truths" convey the message that
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| | Marty Klien's book look on:
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| sexuality is for
| |
| | )Passionate kissing, oral sex, mutual
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| the young. If seniors are interested in
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| | masturbation, telling erotic stories to
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| sex there is something wrong with that.
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| | each other, massage, hugging, touching,
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| How many of the following myths and
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| | cuddling -- all of this can be great
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| stereotypes have you heard?- Older people
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| | sex!What is most important is pleasure -
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| don't have sex, don't want sex, don't
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| | giving and receiving
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| think about sex.- It's perverted for an
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| | physical and emotional pleasure. We are
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| older person to have sexual thoughts;
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| | all hungry to be
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| perhaps he is a "dirty old man".- Women
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| | touched. We need touch. Without touch,
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| don't want sex, aren't interested in sex,
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| | babies do not thrive,
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| and are only going along with what men
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| | and may even die. Grownups need to be
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| want.- When you get "old", you can't have
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| | touched too. (If you're
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| sex.- Sex is for younger adults. (I saw
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| | reading this and do not have a partner
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| a cross-stitched sampler once which said
| |
| | in your life, remember
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| "Kissing don't last - cooking do".)- If
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| | that self-pleasure can be a very
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| you can't have sex like a porn star, you
| |
| | important aspect of self-care
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| have no business trying it at all.These
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| | and nurture. It is always possible to
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| are all misleading and incorrect
| |
| | choose pleasure for
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| stereotypes. It is
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| | oneself!)B. Psychological ChangesThe
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| important to recognize that sexuality is
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| | aging process may have psychological and
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| a central part of healthy living - all
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| | emotional effects -
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| our lives!II. Survey Information: What's
| |
| | particularly as we live in a culture
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| Happening Out There?Three recent national
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| | that glorifies youth and
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| surveys of older Americans have focused
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| | extols youthfulness as the epitome of
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| on
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| | physical beauty. (I would
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| sexuality and sexual behavior. "Healthy
| |
| | remind us all that this is
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| Sexuality and Vital
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| | market-driven: marketers learned long
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| Aging" (1998) was funded by Pfizer and
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| | ago that younger people are more likely
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| sponsored by the National
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| | to spend disposable
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| Council on the Aging (NCOA) and surveyed
| |
| | income, and are more influenceable by
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| over 1300 people. The
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| | advertising.)- We may be embarrassed or
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| American Association of Retired Persons
| |
| | ashamed of our sexual needs as an older
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| (AARP) sponsored national surveys in 1999
| |
| | adult.What to do: Get over it! Join the
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| and again in 2004. "Sexuality at Midlife
| |
| | party. You deserve pleasure in your
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| and Beyond" looked at a nationally
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| | life, from birth until the day you die.-
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| representative group of 1700 adults aged
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| | Changes in appearance affect how we feel
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| 45 and older.The NCOA survey found that
| |
| | about ourselves. Bodies no longer match
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| almost half of seniors over sixty are
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| | the idealized body images we see in
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| sexually active; 39% want sex more
| |
| | advertising and the media.What to do:
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| often. The majority of
| |
| | Realize that media has created the
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| respondents reported having sex less
| |
| | youthful ideal of beauty. Celebrate and
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| often now than when they
| |
| | love the body you have! Every wrinkle,
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| were in their forties - 82% of men and
| |
| | stretch mark, gray hair, rounded contour,
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| 63% of women.61% of men and 62% of women
| |
| | ache and pain is a mark of your
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| find sex equal to or more physically
| |
| | ever-increasing maturity and wisdom!
|
| satisfying than it was in their forties.
| |
| | Bette Midler once said that if you are a
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| With regard to
| |
| | woman and consider yourself unattractive
|
| emotional satisfaction, 76% of men and
| |
| | -- visit another culture for a wake-up
|
| 69% of women found sex to
| |
| | call. American stereothypes of physical
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| be at least as emotionally satisfying as
| |
| | attractiveness are insane dreams invented
|
| in their forties.72% of men and 47% of
| |
| | by marketers who are playing on our
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| women consider sex important to their
| |
| | anxieties and insecurities in order to
|
| relationship with their partner. Men,
| |
| | sell us more products.- Worrying about
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| however, were more than
| |
| | sexual performance may actually reduce
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| twice as likely as women to report
| |
| | the body's ability to perform sexually;
|
| wanting sex more frequently.
| |
| | men may experience erectile dysfunction,
|
| This was true in all age segments - even
| |
| | women an inability to lubricate.What to
|
| in men 80 and older.The AARP study found
| |
| | do: Relax! Relax... Enjoy your
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| that the proportion of men who've tried
| |
| | partner. Look into his or her eyes.
|
| potency-enhancing medicines, hormones,
| |
| | Breathe together. Cuddle, stroke, gently
|
| or other treatments has
| |
| | massage each other. Sexuality is about
|
| doubled since 1999. The majority (68%)
| |
| | pleasure, playfulness, and spontaneity.-
|
| report the treatments
| |
| | Depression may reduce energy, optimism
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| have increased their sexual
| |
| | and desire.What to do: Exercise, do
|
| satisfaction. Their wives also
| |
| | pleasurable activites, get sun on your
|
| reported increased pleasure for
| |
| | face every day. Talk with your doctor
|
| themselves.63% of men and women with
| |
| | about an antidepressant medication. See
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| partners described themselves as either
| |
| | a therapist. Talk with your friends.
|
| extremely satisfied or somewhat satisfied
| |
| | Write your feelings in a journal. Any
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| with their sex lives. 51% of men and
| |
| | positive action taken - even drinking a
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| women surveyed reported having sexual
| |
| | glass of water! - is a step towards
|
| thoughts, fantasies, or erotic dreams at
| |
| | moving out of depression.C. Changes Due
|
| least once a week.50% of women in the
| |
| | to Medications and SurgeryChronic pain or
|
| 45-49 age range reported that they
| |
| | surgery and illness that cause fatigue
|
| masturbate; 20% of women 70 and older
| |
| | can make
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| said they masturbated. A
| |
| | sexual activities more challenging or
|
| majority of all women - even those
| |
| | painful.What to do: Talk about it. Slow
|
| 70-plus - told AARP that self-
| |
| | down, focus on simple pleasureable
|
| stimulation is an important part of
| |
| | activities. Experiment with different
|
| sexual pleasure at any age.Both these
| |
| | positions or activities to discover what
|
| surveys, based on scientifically
| |
| | is most pleasureful.Some commonly used
|
| randomized samples,
| |
| | medications can interfere with sexual
|
| indicate that seniors are having sex,
| |
| | function. High blood pressure
|
| thinking about sex,
| |
| | medications can reduce desire and
|
| enjoying sex - and taking steps to
| |
| | impair erection in men and lubrication
|
| increase their enjoyment and
| |
| | in women. Some
|
| pleasure. Clearly sexuality is
| |
| | antihistamines, antidepressants and
|
| important to older Americans,
| |
| | acid-blocking drugs can have side effects
|
| contrary to popular stereotypes!III.
| |
| | that affect sexual function.What to do:
|
| Natural Changes Occurring With AgingMost
| |
| | Talk with your doctor about how to
|
| of us reading this are not twenty years
| |
| | minimize these effects. It may be
|
| old any more! Our
| |
| | possible to substitute alternative
|
| bodies are constantly changing - though
| |
| | medications that work as well as the
|
| many of us are in denial. Orthopedic
| |
| | original, but without affecting sexual
|
| medicine is one of the fastest-growing
| |
| | function.IV. Improving Sex as You
|
| medical specialities, treating rotator
| |
| | AgeDavid Schnarch, in his book Passionate
|
| cuff injuries, tennis elbow, injured
| |
| | Marriage emphasizes that
|
| backs, torn cartilage, blown ACLs - in
| |
| | people become better lovers as they age.
|
| aging baby
| |
| | This runs counter to
|
| boomers. We're not ready to give it
| |
| | cultural stereotypes which hold that sex
|
| up!Your body changes as you age, and
| |
| | is for the young. Older persons have
|
| these changes can affect your
| |
| | learned a few things over time, and no
|
| sexual relationships.A. Physical
| |
| | longer
|
| ChangesTestosterone regulates your sex
| |
| | struggle with youthful anxieties and
|
| drive whether you're a man or a
| |
| | ignorance about sexuality.
|
| woman. Most aging men and women produce
| |
| | (For more information about David
|
| enough testosterone to
| |
| | Schnarch's book, look on:
|
| maintain their interest in sex, though
| |
| | )With age and maturity, it is more
|
| patches and creams can
| |
| | possible to slow down and
|
| provide an alternative source of the
| |
| | deeply experience all the pleasure that
|
| hormone to boost desire if
| |
| | sensual sexuality has to
|
| needed.Men and women experience
| |
| | offer. It is possible to learn how to
|
| different changes in their bodies as
| |
| | combine deep relaxation
|
| they age.-- Women --Most physical
| |
| | with high states of arousal in order to
|
| changes are linked to menopause and
| |
| | have more intense,
|
| reduced
| |
| | longer-lasting sexual experiences.-
|
| estrogen levels. As you age, it takes
| |
| | Expand your definition of sex. Sex is
|
| longer for your vagina to
| |
| | more than intercourse!- Communicate with
|
| swell and lubricate when you're sexually
| |
| | your partner. Talk about what you need
|
| aroused. Your vagina
| |
| | and what you like. Discuss the changes
|
| also loses some elasticity. Together
| |
| | you're going through. Ask your partner
|
| these can make intercourse
| |
| | about his or her needs and how to be
|
| less comfortable or even painful.What to
| |
| | accomodating. Communication itself can
|
| do:- Longer foreplay increases natural
| |
| | be arousing!- Make changes to your
|
| lubrication.- Use water-based lubricants,
| |
| | routine. Change the time of day in which
|
| such as Astroglide, Probe or Silk.-
| |
| | you have sexual activity. Mornings or
|
| Estrogen creams or hormone replacement
| |
| | afternoons may be better than at night
|
| therapy can rejuvenate vaginal tissue.-
| |
| | when you are tired or achy. Take more
|
| Regular intercourse helps maintain
| |
| | time to set the stage for romance:
|
| lubrication and elasticity.- Do Kegel
| |
| | romantic dinners or an evening of dancing
|
| exercises to keep the pelvic floor
| |
| | or a special time or place for
|
| muscles toned.- If you haven't had
| |
| | lovemaking. Try a new sexual position.-
|
| intercourse for a while, realize it takes
| |
| | Manage your expectations. If you didn't
|
| time to stretch out - go slowly!-
| |
| | have sex very often as a younger adult,
|
| Minimize any pain or discomfort. Desire
| |
| | don't expect to have lots of sex as an
|
| usually returns once any discomfort is
| |
| | older adult. Partners who enjoy frequent
|
| relieved.-- Men --As you age, it might
| |
| | sex when they are younger are more likely
|
| take longer to achieve an erection; it
| |
| | to continue that as they age.- Take care
|
| may
| |
| | of yourself. Eat a healthy diet and
|
| be less firm and it may not last as
| |
| | exercise regularly, at least 30 minutes a
|
| long. Aging also increases
| |
| | day. Avoid alcohol as it decreases
|
| the time between possible
| |
| | sexual function in both men and women.
|
| ejaculations.What to do:- Relax, stop
| |
| | Do your Kegel exercises every day.-
|
| worrying about it! Anxiety makes it
| |
| | Practice safe sex. If you have a new
|
| worse.- Let go of performance
| |
| | partner, get tested. Use condoms. People
|
| expectations. American media is filled
| |
| | over 50 make up about 10% of AIDS cases
|
| with messages implying that masculinity
| |
| | in the United StatesMost of all, simply
|
| and virility is equated with youthful
| |
| | enjoy the pleasureful sensations which
|
| performance.- Kegel exercises are very
| |
| | your
|
| helpful for men also, to tone the pelvic
| |
| | body is amply equipped to experience.
|
| floor musculature.- Take longer with
| |
| | Take time to nurture your
|
| sexual activities. You may also need
| |
| | relationship with your partner so that
|
| more direct physical stimulation.- Try
| |
| | you are feeling
|
| different positions, for comfort and
| |
| | emotionally connected. Approach your
|
| extra stimulation.- Focus on pleasurable
| |
| | sexual relationship with
|
| sensations, rather than on hurrying
| |
| | playfulness, humor, patience and
|
| towards orgasm and ejaculation.- Viagra,
| |
| | love.Sexual pleasure is part of the
|
| Cialis or Levitra may help intensify
| |
| | birthright of being human - and it is a
|
| erections.- Other medical devices, such
| |
| | lifelong resource for joy, health and
|
| as pumps, drugs and implants have been
| |
| | personal growth.For further resources on
|
| developed. I would encourage a natural
| |
| | Seniors and Sexuality - books, magazine
|
| and relaxed exploration of sexual
| |
| | articles, films and Internet resources -
|
| possibilities before submitting to an
| |
| | see my Resource page at
|
| expensive and invasive medical
| |
| | resources are listed in The Guide to
|
| procedure.Intercourse is Not the Only Way
| |
| | Self-Help Books,
|
| to Have Sex!Helen Gurley Brown, author of
| |
| | Relevant sections of the Guide
|
| Sex and the Single Girl, has said,
| |
| | include Sexuality, Men's Sexual Health,
|
| "When people say they can't have sex
| |
| | Women's Sexual Health,
|
| because they have a bad
| |
| | Intimate Relationships, Gay and Lesbian
|
| back, or arthritis, or all of the things
| |
| | Concerns and Tantra.------------Attention
|
| that can affect our
| |
| | Publishers & Webmasters:(c) 2005.
|
| bodies as we get older, I think what
| |
| | Permission is granted to reprint this
|
| they're really saying is
| |
| | article in its
|
| they're looking for an excuse not to
| |
| | entirety in your ezine or on your
|
| have sex. When you care,
| |
| | website as long as you leave
|
| you find that there are all sorts of
| |
| | all links in place, do not modify the
|
| ways to express sensuality."Sexual
| |
| | content and include our
|
| ignorance, cultural values and media
| |
| | resource paragraph above. If you do use
|
| images combine to
| |
| | the material please drop
|
| "sell" the story that sex = intercourse
| |
| | me a note so I can take a look.
|
| - and having an orgasm is the way to tell
| |
| | Thanks!David Yarian, Ph.D. is the creator
|
| if you're accomplishing anything!This
| |
| | of The Guide to Self-Help
|
| mindset gets everything backwards. The
| |
| | Books, and co-author of Self-Help
|
| purpose of having
| |
| | Central, an ezine to help you build a
|
| huge concentrations of nerve endings and
| |
| | better life with self-help
|
| pleasure receptors in
| |
| | resources. He is a Licensed Clinical
|
| our genitals is to experience pleasure.
| |
| | Psychologist and Certified
|
| While orgasms are
| |
| | Sex Therapist in private practice in
|
| wonderful, when sex becomes goal-driven
| |
| | Nashville, TN.
|
