| Is there really any secret to a happy marriage? You | | | | Maybe next time you go to the play, and the time |
| bet. We came up with 10. You probably heard the | | | | after that you both go to the game. I love it when a |
| old saying “sometimes love just ain’t | | | | plan comes together. |
| enough.” Well it’s true. Eventually all of those | | | | Secret #Three - Do Something Just for You: |
| warm fuzzies wear off and all you’re left with are | | | | Another key to having a happy marriage is that on |
| the “nuts” and “bolts” of the relationship. | | | | occasion you do something for yourself. While it is |
| Stuff like open communication, trust, and wiliness to | | | | important that you do things together as a couple, it is |
| make sacrifices for your partner. The following | | | | also important that you develop areas of interest on |
| “secrets” are certainly not exhaustive, but they | | | | your own. This helps you to keep your relationship |
| are a good start towards a common sense approach | | | | interesting and can stop the boredom from setting in. |
| to making your relationship more fulfilling and ultimately | | | | It also can help you appreciate each other more when |
| having a happy marriage. | | | | you have periods of being apart. It makes seeing |
| Secret #One - Ability to Make Sacrifices: | | | | each other again even more special. |
| You might need some marriage advice if your partner | | | | Secret #Four - Maintaining Intimacy and Affection: |
| frequently has to tell you “it’s not always about | | | | Another “secret” to a happy marriage involves |
| you.” That may be a pretty good indication that | | | | maintaining intimacy and affection in your relationship. |
| they feel you are selfish and self centered. It may be | | | | About 5 years ago I worked with the Healthy Families |
| time to ask yourself if you are willing to make | | | | Program for new mothers and at risk children for |
| sacrifices necessary to make your relationship work. | | | | abuse and neglect. During my training for helping new |
| Do you remember to kid who always had to have it | | | | mothers bond with their newborn children I learned of |
| their way whenever you played toys together? The | | | | some studies about the importance of touch. |
| girl always had to be the popular one, or the | | | | Specifically, how crucial it was for newborns to have |
| “princess”, while you were one of the | | | | the touch of both the mother and father for the |
| “servants.” The guy always had to be the king, | | | | healthy development of the child. Well, the same is |
| or get to play with the best toy, while you were stuck | | | | true of a romantic relationship. The couple that hugs |
| with being the “court jester”, and had to play | | | | together, holds hands together, and kisses |
| with the broken toy. And, if you didn’t agree to do | | | | together...well…you get the idea. It is critical in order |
| it their way they would get upset and not want to play | | | | to maintain your bond as a couple. |
| with you. Didn’t you get tired of playing with that | | | | Secret #Five - Ability to Deal with Finances: |
| person before too long? Well, relationships are a lot like | | | | The last “secret” to a happy marriage that I will |
| that too. | | | | address today is about finances – just the sound of |
| Relationships don’t last too long when one person | | | | that word gives me a headache. Many people feel |
| always have to have it their way. Resentment tends | | | | that way. But, you can’t bury your head in the |
| to creep in and choke the life out of the relationship. | | | | sand and hope that all turns out well. You need to |
| There must be a give and take, or back and forth to | | | | plan together and communicate on a regular basis |
| your relationship. You have to find a way for both of | | | | regarding your finances as a couple. If you don’t it |
| you to “win.” You must both being willing to be | | | | is sure to bring your relationship much stress and |
| the one who makes the sacrifice for the sake of the | | | | anxiety. Even when the news is bad, you better talk |
| other person in order to help create an environment | | | | about it. Trying to avoid bad financial bad news has |
| for a happy marriage. | | | | a way of coming back to haunt you…so you better |
| Secret #Two - Ability to Compromise: | | | | deal with it straight away. |
| The next “secret” to a happy marriage is | | | | Many couples don’t talk about their money and just |
| related to the first one – you must have the ability | | | | assume the other person will take care of it – |
| to compromise. Compromise takes sacrifice to the | | | | THEY WON’T. Talk clearly and often about |
| next level. You both agree to disagree and choose | | | | this. If you don’t talk about you finances it will |
| the next best thing to what you would have originally | | | | probably get worse. Debt has a way of mounting |
| preferred. It goes something like: “I know you | | | | with compound interest, fees, and could even lead to |
| don’t like sports (even though I’d really like to | | | | small claims court. There you don’t just have to |
| see the game), and we both don’t want to stay at | | | | pay your debt. You get to pay court costs and |
| home tonight” (she wanted to go to a play, which | | | | attorney fees too. Oh joy! So take it from me on |
| you hate)…”so, how about we go see the concert | | | | this one. That is not a place were you want to be. |
| at the Philharmonic tonight?” See, you both | | | | Well, we’re halfway there. Stay tuned for the |
| didn’t get your first choice, but you did find a | | | | next 5 “secrets” in Part Two of “10 Secrets |
| common ground that you did agree on together. | | | | to a Happy Marriage. |