| These days more than ever it's tough to keep a | | | | learned to find out who we each were as individuals, |
| marriage vibrant and happy. We have many stressors | | | | and learn to live in harmony, together, yet as two |
| that leak their way into our lives, and somehow begin | | | | separate people. |
| to create a wedge in our relationship with our spouse. | | | | You have to end the power struggle and stop trying to |
| We then often seek advice for marriage that will help | | | | change your spouse no matter what. |
| our situation. | | | | If your spouse is controlling then you have to make a |
| If your marriage isn't what you thought it would be, | | | | decision of how you'll deal with that. If they're controlling |
| then you're likely looking for marriage advice so that | | | | and abusive then you have no choice but to either |
| you can turn it around. But at the same time you don't | | | | seek physical and mental help, or get the heck out. |
| want to give up who YOU are. You don't want to give | | | | But if it's a controlling where there is no abuse involved, |
| all of yourself, and let your spouse get away without | | | | and it's simply a power of wills then you must break |
| having to do some work. | | | | the cycle early, or anger and resentment will begin to |
| Well, the thing is that even though marriage is not a | | | | plague the marriage (if it hasn't yet). |
| balance sheet, and shouldn't be looked upon as what | | | | The problem can happen when either one spouse is |
| I'm doing and what you're doing to make the marriage | | | | controlling, or both spouses are trying to control. Either |
| work, there is the fact that if there are two people in | | | | way usually equals a power struggle. Sometimes it's |
| the marriage, then doing your half can make a | | | | both spouses trying to push their will on each other, or |
| significant difference. | | | | other times it's one spouse trying and the other |
| The key though IS how you look at your marriage, and | | | | rebelling. Either way, that's trouble and seeking advice |
| the way you see your role in the marriage, and the | | | | for marriage is the right thing to do. |
| way you see the marriage as a whole. | | | | The problem is that when we give into a controlling |
| You see the truth is that your marriage is about the | | | | person we lose our identity. When we try to control |
| both of you together as one. But the one thing that we | | | | another we lose the identity of the marriage as a unity. |
| don't have control over, is what our spouse does or | | | | Therefore we have to seek balance. Not where each |
| does not do. That's a tough concept to take for some, | | | | person goes off on their own, but where both couples |
| and they spend they make the mistake of spending | | | | have to depend on one another as...for lack of a better |
| the majority of their time trying and trying to change | | | | term...a team. |
| their spouse. | | | | It's not easy finding good marriage advice that deals |
| I made that mistake for years and years in my own | | | | with power struggles and control, because most |
| marriage, and I suppose my wife was making the | | | | marriage counselors try to focus on the issue of |
| exact same mistake. We were trying to control one | | | | communication. That's not always the problem. The |
| another, and trying so hard to WIN the battle as | | | | problem usually comes way before communication |
| individuals...and change the other person that we never | | | | starts...which is intention. |