| One of the major problems in dealing with toddler | | | | below the layers of anger, what the anger is |
| tantrums is the angry feelings that are often stirred up | | | | 'signposting' to them, and to try to recognize what the |
| in us as parents. | | | | anger is telling them. |
| Learning how to handle and express anger without | | | | When you think about your feelings of anger in this |
| becoming destructive or hurtful is an important lesson | | | | way, rather than being frightened, guilty or ashamed of |
| for any person, child or adult. | | | | them, you can see them as being useful to you. |
| We need to remind ourselves that dealing with our | | | | Seeing anger as a signpost to some deeper |
| own anger is usually something we didn't learn well | | | | unexpressed emotion such as hurt, rejection, shame or |
| during our own childhoods. If we were taught that to | | | | fear, often provides us with an answer to the problem |
| be angry or to show our anger was to be bad, then | | | | of dealing with anger. |
| we could have strong feelings of guilt and shame | | | | A positive way of dealing with these feelings is to |
| about our own expressions of anger. | | | | identify them, name them and talk about them with |
| Dealing with toddler temper tantrums, rage and sudden | | | | responsive people who will listen to us. As we identify |
| displays of anger, will be much easier for us if we | | | | anger within ourselves and understand our responses |
| disabuse ourselves of the whole idea that expressing | | | | and reactions, we shine a light on the responses we |
| anger is wrong. | | | | then become aware that our children need from us. |
| Instead we need to try to accept the angry feelings | | | | For some people, daily writing in a 'feelings' journal is an |
| and to help channel them into constructive rather than | | | | excellent method of release which also helps identify |
| destructive ends. | | | | patterns. For others, regular physical exercise or |
| We need to learn not to bottle up, suppress or destroy | | | | activity helps the release of anger and can be a |
| angry feelings in ourselves. Then we can model this | | | | positive way of defusing situations that trigger angry |
| behaviour to our children. | | | | outbursts. |
| Dealing with our own anger | | | | I encourage you to seek professional help if you are |
| As a family counselor, I am constantly aware of the | | | | dealing with ongoing or deep-seated issues in this area. |
| high numbers of clients over the years for whom | | | | Your children will thank you for it by learning from you |
| anger has been a huge issue. Their predictable | | | | how to deal with their toddler tantrums, anger, tension |
| question is usually, "How can I learn to 'deal' with it?" | | | | and stress. |
| My response is to help them search for what is hiding | | | | |