| Temper tantrums happen as your toddler develops | | | | prevented, held, distracted or punished for letting go of |
| more autonomy, and reaches out towards greater | | | | his angry feelings. |
| independence. Because he still lacks the emotional, | | | | This is because we were all generally treated in this |
| verbal and mental skills at this stage in his | | | | way when we were young and we have been |
| development, he needs you to support him with clear, | | | | conditioned to feel ashamed or fearful of anger and of |
| firm, consistent boundaries to help him learn to control | | | | angry outbursts. |
| his out of control emotions. He needs you to teach him | | | | Support and Reassurance |
| how to be authentic with his angry feelings by | | | | A toddler needs to learn how to control these |
| observing you being authentic with yours. | | | | powerful emotions and he needs you to help him and |
| Prevention | | | | show him how. |
| Prevention is always the first answer in regard to | | | | He needs to have a supporting and calming presence |
| toddler behavior. Watch out for your child's signs of | | | | when he explodes with rage so that he doesn't grow |
| tiredness, hunger and thirst. Keep to a regular routine | | | | up to feel ashamed of his anger, his emotions and |
| for mealtimes and bedtimes. Be warm and | | | | himself. |
| affectionate and ensure your child feels as safe and | | | | As you reassure him, soothe him and help him to calm, |
| secure as possible. All these actions are part of | | | | his emotional memory stores this up. |
| prevention. | | | | It is this memory of being reassured and comforted |
| Because a toddler's angry outburst is often so sudden, | | | | that helps him to learn how to control his distressing |
| we all know, as parents, that there are times when we | | | | angry outbursts. |
| have been less than acceptable in our responses, | | | | Think back again to your own childhood anger. What is |
| especially when we are caught off guard. Tiredness, ill | | | | it that you would have needed most when you were |
| health and exasperation all bring out the worst in us. | | | | small and feeling out of control? Nine times out of ten |
| Your childhood anger | | | | the answer is comfort. |
| Take a moment to think back into your own childhood. | | | | Comfort |
| Try to remember a time when you were little and | | | | What sort of comfort are we referring to here? |
| feeling confused, afraid, tired, cantankerous and quite | | | | Exactly the sort that is needed at that moment - |
| out of sorts. | | | | concern, regard, support, attention, care, love, calm, |
| Do you remember having tantrums? Loosing your | | | | soothing comfort. |
| temper? Displaying your anger? | | | | Most of the time when your toddler is having a |
| How was it dealt with in your family? | | | | tantrum his emotions are completely out of control and |
| What did your parents do when you were really | | | | he is helpless. He needs you to be in control of your |
| angry? | | | | emotions, not matching his out of control state. |
| Were you allowed to be angry and let them know it? | | | | Temper Tantrums as Manipulation |
| Try to feel your feelings in regard to these questions. | | | | However tantrums can also be acts of manipulation |
| Any answers you can come up with will help you to | | | | too and in this regard they reflect back to the parents |
| understand your responses to your own child's anger. | | | | their own inability to be consistent. If your child knows |
| Do you find your reactions to your toddler's tantrums | | | | that when you say no you often don't mean it, then |
| disturbing? | | | | they will manipulate in the way they know how - by |
| Is it because you are embarrassed and ashamed, or | | | | throwing a great, noisy tantrum. |
| do you fear that they are out of your control? | | | | Be consistent- this makes you less able to be |
| Toddler Behavior - Temper Tantrums | | | | manipulated. |
| If you watch your toddler really expressing his anger, | | | | The Golden Rule |
| you can see it is in a totally all out physical way. The | | | | It seems to me that the best rule of thumb to follow |
| movements used help him to release emotion from | | | | when we are unsure about any of our reactions and |
| every part of his body. | | | | responses as parents is to follow the golden rule. |
| His legs flail, his arms pump, he yells, grimaces, hits out | | | | * "Do to others as you would have them do to you". |
| and he tries to punch everything around him. If he is left | | | | * Respond as you would like to be responded to. |
| to follow the course of the tantrum, he is usually | | | | Because children are people too, I believe that children |
| physically subdued by the sheer amount of pent up | | | | have the right to be treated as I like to be treated. |
| emotion which has been released and he is calm again. | | | | * I do not like to be yelled at, pushed, slapped, hit, or |
| However, most young children never get this far in a | | | | physically mistreated in any way. |
| tantrum. Parents by and large go to some sort of | | | | * I do not like being ignored, bullied, shamed, threatened, |
| measure to ensure that their toddler is restrained, | | | | smacked, ridiculed or laughed at. |