Great Marriage Advice: Three Keys to Building a Powerful Partnership

Today, we hear a great deal about how marriagesEffort to Support Your Spouse the Way He or She
are falling apart. Many people have become resignedWould Like to Be Supported – Most of us try to
and cynical, convinced that their marriage can’t behelp out our spouses in the exact wrong way. I used
tolerable. Most people never dream that theirto offer a lot of encouragement to my husband. But it
relationship with their spouse can be incredible beyondnever seemed to make any difference. He remained
belief.uninspired, and I got frustrated.
But it is possible. My husband and I have been marriedWhen I read this piece of wisdom, however, I actually
for more than twelve years. Once we began learningasked him how I could best support him. He told me
about how to create a great marriage, it has gottenthat he’d love good home-cooked meals and
better and better everyday. We’re not self-helphe’d love to spend time with me. What a surprise
nuts. We are simply two people who love one anotherthat was to me. So I started supporting him how he
who found really, really great marriage advice.wanted to be supported and I scheduled time for us to
There were three things that we learned early thatspend time together. He felt taken care of and I felt
helped immensely:appreciated. It was wonderful.
Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #1: BeKey to Building a Powerful Partnership #3: Learn to
Responsible for Your Mood – Often, whenHandle Disagreements – This is my favorite key, for
we’re in a bad mood, or we’re worried aboutit gives us the framework for handling tough situations.
something, it is easy to dump all of our frustration andDisagreements will arise, that is the nature of being
anger on our spouse. It takes some presence of mindmarried. Following these rules will help any couple get
and discipline to handle these situations well, but it isthrough an argument:a. Define the Problem and Ask,
well worth the effort.Immediately, “Is one of us just picking a
When you find yourself in a foul mood, simply say tofight?”– Actually do this. Sometimes, this will be
your spouse, “I’m in a bad mood. This hasthe end of the argument, for some arguments are not
nothing to do with you, and I will try not to direct it atreally about anything except one spouse picking a fight.
you.” This allows your spouse to go on about his orBut the spouse who is picking a fight needs to be
her day without feeling either 1) obligated to make youhonest about it. This can take practice and more than
feel better—which never works anyway, or 2) guiltya little humility. If your spouse admits to picking a fight,
for causing your bad mood—which is usually not theirdon’t say, “I told you so.” Show them some
fault.respect for having been honest.b. Each Spouse Gets
Saying those simple words creates a level ofa Turn at Saying what They Need to Way about the
self-respect, announcing to ourselves and our spouseMatter Without Interruption – This gives each
that we’re responsible for the daily ups and downsperson an opportunity to shed some baggage. This is
of our moods. Also, it helps us to avoid makingneeded in order to find a solution. But stop yourselves
assumptions about one another that create problemsfrom going on and on, emoting about how upset you
of their own. The best way to handle a problem is toare.c. Each Spouse Comes up with a Solution –
never start one in the first place. Begin by saying theMake these reasonable and not irrational solutions.
simple words above and see what miracles occur inAfter you’ve both offered one, then you can
your relationship.brainstorm on the solution. Usually, you’ll come up
Key to Building a Powerful Partnership #2: Make Anwith one together that is really good.