| Ever play the cloud shape game? You gaze on clouds | | | | without thinking of your response but to understand |
| and spy a giraffe or castle. Moments later the shape | | | | what he/she is saying. Attempt to feel their position, to |
| evaporates. The shape died as if erased by an | | | | empathize and move as they move. When they finish |
| unseen hand. Good marriages die the same way, | | | | talking, take a beat and kindly state your position. |
| slowly over time and the hands are yours. | | | | Who's Fault? |
| Troubled couples wonder how it happened. How did | | | | Blame. Remove it. You each allowed your marriage to |
| they get from honeymoon highlights to dreary | | | | form to its present shape, so accept responsibility |
| doldrums? They look for big chunks of advice to | | | | without shelling out blame. We decided to replace |
| change their marriage overnight, but it is the little things | | | | blame with responsibility. A great way to do this is to |
| that tear a marriage down or build it up. Laura and I | | | | eliminate your defensive posture. Being defensive is |
| scrutinized scores of good marriages to find their | | | | another way to shift blame. When we defend |
| secrets. Couples in good marriages fuss, get frustrated | | | | ourselves we blame shift. |
| and tire like anyone else, yet they spiral upward rather | | | | For one week never defend yourself. If you forgot to |
| than down. Why? The secret lies in the little things they | | | | drop off the mail, do not broadcast how busy you |
| do. | | | | were, just say, "Forgive me." Accept the responsibility |
| Watch your language. | | | | and notice how the air clears. |
| Disdain. One little change to build your marriage is to | | | | Action |
| watch your tone. Disdain erodes a relationship like rust | | | | Do something kind. Chose a kind act and do it without |
| on iron and a scornful tone will scrape the shine off | | | | solicitation. Make her a cup of tea, give him a back-rub, |
| your marriage. If you harbor disdain determine to dump | | | | buy a small gift and watch what happens. We watch |
| it. Here is a little test. | | | | all we do with intent and purpose. We call each other |
| Do you roll your eyes, speak disrespectfully, us a | | | | on little things. We don't nitpick, but the attention we |
| sarcastic tone of voice, or speak with a hand on your | | | | have paid to our little things has morphed into a |
| hip "yeah right" attitude? If so, disdain in part of your | | | | pleasing lifestyle. Good marriages shape slowly like |
| marriage. Do an emotional house cleaning and cleanse | | | | clouds and the shapes become solid and pleasing |
| every spore of disdain. A little attitude carries big | | | | when you employ the little things. Remove disdain. |
| consequences. A little tone of voice can change a | | | | Listen with compassion. Take responsibility, remove |
| marriage for better or worse. | | | | blame and do something positive. You will watch your |
| Say What? | | | | marriage shape into a beautiful image and no longer to |
| Listen. Another little device to change the shape of | | | | keep your eyes in the clouds. |
| your marriage is to listen. When your spouse talks are | | | | CoachOurMarriage. |
| you waiting to jump in with defense? Try listening | | | | |