| "I really hate it when we argue…but I've also learned | | | | few of your own): |
| so much about my husband from our fights and we | | | | 1. What can I learn about myself (my strengths and |
| have a stronger relationship now." ~Sandra, married | | | | areas of vulnerability) from how I reacted and |
| seven years | | | | behaved during the conflict? |
| Even the most effective communicators get into spats | | | | 2. What can I learn about my spouse or partner (his |
| now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital | | | | her strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how s |
| bliss, you and your partner will disagree and argue | | | | he reacted and behaved? |
| from time to time. | | | | 3. How can I use this information to show more |
| But not all conflict is bad—conflict (if handled | | | | understanding and greater appreciation of my spouse |
| correctly) can teach you a great deal about yourself | | | | or partner? |
| and your spouse or partner. | | | | The information gathered from these questions can |
| Relationship Help: From conflict to connection | | | | ultimately lead to more effective communication and |
| Ideally, conflict can lead to an increase in mutual | | | | greater intimacy. To get the most out of your |
| understanding and a healthy re-adjustment of your | | | | post-conflict analysis, it will be important for you to wait |
| relationship, rather than estrangement. Of course, | | | | until you regain your emotional footing—in other |
| during a heated exchange it may feel like your world is | | | | words, you should feel calm and centered while |
| ending and that you're in love with the most | | | | reflecting on these questions (so you may need to |
| unreasonable person on the planet—so how can | | | | wait until any strong, residual feelings left over from the |
| such an unwelcome experience lead to growth? | | | | conflict dissipate). |
| The opportunity for greater intimacy comes after an | | | | You will strengthen your relationship when you make a |
| argument, in the post-conflict analysis. | | | | post-conflict analysis a regular part of your marriage or |
| Have you ever noticed how most sporting events | | | | relationship. |
| have a post-game analysis? By going over what | | | | Do you want to receive powerful relationship tips each |
| happened, coaches and athletes discover what | | | | month? |
| worked and didn't, they examine their strengths (what | | | | Visit Relationship Toolbox Newsletter and sign up for |
| they should be doing more of) and their areas of | | | | Dr. Nicastro's FREE Newsletter. |
| vulnerability (what they should change); they then set | | | | As a bonus you will receive the popular free reports: |
| goals for how to use this information to improve future | | | | "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" |
| performance. | | | | and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you |
| Doesn't your marriage or relationship deserve this level | | | | argue before your arguments control you." |
| of attention? | | | | Are you ready to take your relationship to the next |
| Marriage help action steps: | | | | level? |
| So here are a few post-conflict questions for you and | | | | I've just completed the newest Healthy Relationship |
| your spouse or partner to reflect on (try to think of a | | | | Program e-workbook. |