| There's probably few worse feelings than being | | | | save the marriage, but you realize that this would take |
| served with divorce papers when you want to save | | | | both of you being in agreement and would require |
| your marriage. It's absolutely normal to feel panicked | | | | some major changes. But, tell him that what you can |
| and beaten. But, it's important to understand that it | | | | control is how you interact in the days to come and, |
| doesn't have to be "the end." Many marriages | | | | on your end, you are only going to participate in |
| reconcile before the divorce is final. It's not an | | | | behaviors that contribute to positive rather than |
| impossible task, no matter how it may feel right now. | | | | negative things. Tell him that this relationship is too |
| I'm living proof of that. In the following article, I'll offer | | | | important to you to allow it to end badly. Explain that if |
| advice and tips that may help you in the coming days. | | | | the two of you part as friends, that's enough for you, |
| You Can't Ignore What Is Happening, But You Can't | | | | but you can't allow someone who was such an |
| Panic Either: Many women email me once they've | | | | important part of your life to walk away thinking of you |
| been served with divorce papers and tell me that they | | | | negatively. |
| intend to just ignore the papers or refuse to be served. | | | | Now, you and I both know that you really aren't fine |
| I'm certainly not an attorney, but I can tell you that this | | | | with this ending on friendly terms, as you don't want it |
| isn't a good idea. You don't know what the future | | | | to end at all. But, your husband needs to know that |
| holds, and you must protect your interests. You can still | | | | when he interacts with you, he isn't going to be met |
| respond and take care of yourself while not giving up | | | | with hostility, arguments, begging, or debates. Because |
| or giving in. A divorce often takes months to become | | | | if he thinks this, he's just going to avoid you. |
| final, so there is no need to panic or engage in | | | | Making The Most Of Your Interactions With Your |
| aggressive, combative, or panicked behaviors that are | | | | Husband And Changing His Perceptions Of You: |
| going to push your husband further away. | | | | Always remember what first attracted your husband |
| Some women will outright tell their husband's that they | | | | to you. Make sure you put these attributes on full |
| refuse to accept a divorce or that they are going to | | | | display when you interact. It's very likely that it was an |
| "fight them all the way." This may seem like the thing | | | | upbeat, positive, and light hearted person who first |
| to do, but it isn't going to help your cause. It's only going | | | | caught your husband's eye. So, as hard as it may be |
| to make your husband look at you in an even more | | | | right now, you have to remain positive. You have to |
| negative light. Your best bet is to make your husband | | | | display yourself as someone who loves her husband, |
| think that you are on his side or at least are not going | | | | but who is coping in a positive way because she loves |
| to block him every step of the way. | | | | and respects herself enough to do so. |
| The truth is that in order to save your marriage, you | | | | Use this time for yourself and engage in activities that |
| are going to need access to your husband in which | | | | make you fulfilled. See friends. Focus on your |
| you can engage in positive things and positive | | | | appearance. Get out there. Make sure your husband |
| emotions. You aren't going to get this if you take an | | | | knows that you are dealing with this in a positive way |
| opposing stance. So, even though only you know your | | | | and you aren't sitting at home eating left overs and |
| true intentions, it's important that the person you show | | | | watching reruns. Men are attracted to strong, self |
| your attorney (or yourself) and the person you show | | | | sufficient, and positive women. Make sure that this is |
| your husband needs to be an entirely different | | | | what you are portraying. Not only will it make you feel |
| individual. You want for your husband to eventually | | | | better, but your husband will wonder what is going on |
| think that he's made a mistake in leaving the positive, | | | | and will want to see for himself. |
| cooperative, fun person in front of him. Always | | | | At the end of the day, your goal is really to change |
| remember this when you interact with him. | | | | your husband's perception of you from negative to |
| Changing Course In The Face Of The Divorce: Getting | | | | positive. This often takes time and small baby steps. |
| Through To Your Husband When He's Closed Himself | | | | The goal is to create positive interactions that build |
| Off: Often, once the papers have been served, the | | | | upon one another until the nature of your relationship |
| husband will either want to move out or distance | | | | begins to change. Always let your husband take the |
| himself from you (unless the divorce papers are a | | | | initiative and don't push for more or ask where this is |
| rouse to get your attention.) So, it can be a hard task | | | | going - these are all negative behaviors that will only |
| to get access to him. In order to do this, you'll need to | | | | intensify his wishes for a divorce. |
| disarm him in a sense and this typically requires that | | | | Now, I'm not asking you to push down your own |
| you come at this from another angle. | | | | needs or concerns. Certainly, you will need to work |
| At a time when you are both calm and rational, tell | | | | through issues and you have needs and requirements |
| your husband that you understand and accept that he | | | | too, but the deep discussions can wait until you're back |
| has filed for divorce. Reiterate that you would like to | | | | on solid ground. |