| "> | | | | now, I would have done anything I could to get the help |
| The following article is offered for free use in your | | | | we needed to bring our relationship back into caring. |
| ezine,print publication or on your web site, so long as | | | | We can’t go back, but I’m sure that my |
| the author resource box at the end is included, with | | | | son felt the lack of joy that existed between my |
| hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be | | | | husband and me. I’m sure he felt the depth of |
| appreciated. | | | | my loneliness. I wish I knew then what I know now |
| Title: Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy | | | | about taking responsibility for my own feelings. |
| Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | | | | Being pregnant and giving birth are enormous events in |
| E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul | | | | a woman’s life, especially the first child, which |
| URL: | | | | changes your life so dramatically. If you do not know |
| Word Count: 817 | | | | how to take responsibility for your own feelings of |
| Category: Parenting | | | | anger, hurt, anxiety, depression and loneliness, things will |
| Parenting Starts Before Pregnancy | | | | only get worse after giving birth. A child does not solve |
| By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | | | | problems for you. |
| While it may seem farfetched to some people, many | | | | It’s hard to imagine before having a child what it |
| of my clients remember what they felt and | | | | is like to be responsible for another life 24/7. If you |
| experienced while still in the womb. Comments such | | | | have not learned how to lovingly parent yourself |
| as these are not unusual: | | | | before giving birth, you might find yourself getting lost |
| I knew even before I was born that my mother | | | | as parent your baby. Good parenting starts before |
| didn’t want me. | | | | getting pregnant, with learning how to take loving care |
| I could feel my mother’s fear and anxiety | | | | of yourself. |
| even before I was born. | | | | If you have a desire to be a good parent, here are |
| Parenting does not start once the child is born. Good | | | | steps you can take before getting pregnant: |
| parenting starts even before getting pregnant. It starts | | | | 1. Physical health: make sure that you are in good |
| by caring about what you eat, how much exercise and | | | | physical shape by eliminating sugar and artificial |
| sleep you get, and by making sure that you are taking | | | | sweeteners. Start to shop in health food stores and |
| responsibility for your feelings of anxiety and stress. | | | | buy only organic products. Eliminating pesticides and |
| Your baby will feel what you feel, so learning how to | | | | food additives is essential for good health. Also be |
| be in peace and joy before getting pregnant is part of | | | | sure to get enough exercise and sleep. |
| good parenting. | | | | 2. Emotional health: instead of having your eyes on |
| I loved being pregnant. I had always wanted children so | | | | your partner, turn your eyes inward and begin to |
| I was thrilled to be pregnant. I loved feeling the baby | | | | compassionately notice your own feelings. Start to |
| moving within me, awed by the very fact of creating | | | | treat your own feelings in the same way you are |
| new life. I loved feeling an elbow or a knee slide | | | | planning on treating your future child’s feelings - |
| across my stomach. I loved that my body could be a | | | | with caring and understanding. In addition, start to |
| receptacle for bringing through this soul, this angel from | | | | practice taking loving action in your own behalf - |
| heaven. I could not think of anything more profound, | | | | standing up for yourself, speaking your truth, taking |
| more worth doing. Who was this unique little person | | | | time for yourself. Practice taking loving care of your |
| growing in my body? | | | | own feelings instead of making your partner |
| I read every book I could on parenting and thought | | | | responsible for how you feel. Begin to notice what you |
| endlessly how I wanted to be a different parent than | | | | think and do that may be causing you stress. Changing |
| my parents were. | | | | thoughts and behavior that cause your stress before |
| The problem was that I have never thought about | | | | getting pregnant is essential for good parenting. |
| how much my relationship with myself and with my | | | | 3. Spiritual health: practice opening to a higher source |
| husband might affect this child. | | | | of guidance, wisdom, strength and comfort. This can |
| My husband was angry, distant and withdrawn during | | | | be your own highest, wisest self within you, or a Higher |
| my pregnancy and the first three months after giving | | | | Power outside of you. You will find that being able to |
| birth to our son. He was a person who wanted control | | | | turn a source of wisdom and comfort within or without |
| and he was not happy that I got pregnant six months | | | | will go a long way in helping you stay loving and |
| before we had planned. He didn’t open his heart | | | | stress-free with yourself, your partner, and your baby. |
| until our son smiled at him at three months of age. | | | | In addition, this will help you know what to do in |
| Being young, I had no idea how to handle the loneliness | | | | different challenging situations with your baby. |
| I felt at not having my husband joyfully involved in the | | | | If you are planning on having a baby, start today in |
| hugest event of my life. Had I known then what I know | | | | becoming a good parent! |