| Pre-Marital Counseling In View Of Abuse | | | | only the good truly represents her partner. What |
| My boyfriend and I getting married in a few months | | | | needs to be understood is that the good and the bad |
| and I am worried because although he is so great, he | | | | are both part of the same person in much the same |
| does have a temper. When he gets mad he becomes | | | | way and the head and tail are part of the same coin |
| scary. At times he yells and screams and at other | | | | and are inseparable. In other words, if you take one |
| times he throws and breaks things. He’s only hit me | | | | side, you are going to get both sides. |
| once. I know he doesn’t mean it, but I find myself | | | | As much as the partner may need counselling to |
| walking on eggshells. Other than that, we get along | | | | address the abusive behaviour, so too does the |
| great. He is amazing and we have so much in | | | | woman need counselling to address her needs in the |
| common and we really have an amazing relationship. | | | | relationship. More specifically, the woman needs |
| Can you see us to help him with his temper? | | | | counselling to understand the nature of the abusive |
| This is a portrayal of many emails and phone | | | | relationship and to figure out if this relationship is really |
| messages I receive. Typically the person requesting | | | | in her interest. She needs to be able to make choices |
| service is a woman hooked into a relationship with an | | | | about what is acceptable to her and to enter the |
| abusive partner. She believes that the abuse is an | | | | marriage if she so chooses, with both eyes open. |
| anomaly, something out of character for her boyfriend | | | | In situations such as these it is often advisable to delay |
| and that if that were dealt with, all else would be | | | | the marriage and it is also advisable to delay |
| terrific. Apart from the abusive behaviour, the woman | | | | pregnancy. The self-imposed deadline of the wedding |
| extols the virtue of the fellow. When not abusive, he is | | | | only increases the pressure on the couple and while he |
| over-the-top-fantastic. | | | | may promise to behave more reasonably, a promise |
| It is important to know that a person’s behaviour | | | | doesn’t equal change. Further, in many situations, |
| repeated over time is not an anomaly, not something | | | | the abuse not only continues after marriage, but |
| out of character for that person. When a person | | | | intensifies as the pressure to change in view of the |
| repeats behaviour consistently over time, that | | | | wedding, is gone. |
| behaviour is typically part of the person’s make-up. | | | | If you are in a relationship such as described in this |
| In the above example, the abuse described has | | | | article, where you are subject to abuse, take a step |
| occurred enough times that a pattern emerges; one | | | | back and examine your situation more closely. In so |
| where abuse is followed by an intense period of | | | | doing, ask yourself, what is it about you that keeps you |
| terrific behaviour, likely making up for the abusive | | | | hooked into an abusive relationship: Are you afraid to |
| behaviour. This is the cycle of abuse. However, the | | | | leave; are you insecure; do you have any other |
| victim, not recognizing the cycle and that both the bad | | | | options; are you even safe? |
| and good are part of the same person, tries to split the | | | | The counselling you seek for him or you both, might be |
| good behaviour from the bad in order to believe that | | | | better for you alone. |