| Q: There have been times when I'm not absolutely | | | | Couples who make the hasty decision to end their |
| sure that I'm still in love with my husband. I'm afraid this | | | | relationship at this point are nearsighted; they fail to see |
| means we're not right for each other, even though | | | | beyond the immediacy of the changes all relationships |
| we've been married for several years. Can you shed | | | | face. When you understand that your relationship is |
| any light on this? | | | | evolving (and that there will be growing pains), you will |
| A: There are many normal factors that can influence | | | | be more likely to ride through the turbulence until the |
| how you feel about your spouse. Today we'll focus on | | | | skies become calm again. |
| something all couples experience (even though they | | | | Let yourself fall in love with your partner more than |
| may be unaware of it): the fact that love changes with | | | | once |
| the passage of time. | | | | Love is not a linear phenomenon--your feelings of love |
| Your relationship will go through stages | | | | will ebb and flow. Couples who have been together |
| It's important to realize that long-term relationships go | | | | for many years often describe falling in love with each |
| through a series of stages. It is perfectly natural for | | | | other more than once (and in different ways) over the |
| your feelings to fluctuate along with the tides of these | | | | course of their relationship. There are naturally |
| stages. | | | | occurring relationship lulls intermixed with periods of |
| The danger lies in misinterpreting these normal | | | | greater connection and intensity. |
| relationship changes as an indication that you no longer | | | | Feelings change, love intensifies and wanes--over the |
| love your partner. One trouble spot is when your | | | | lifetime of a marriage couples fall in and out of love |
| relationship transitions from the early blissful stage (a | | | | with each other again and again. |
| time when your feelings might be extremely intense | | | | Think of your relationship as a journey--a journey that |
| and all-consuming) to what has been called the stage | | | | will involve highs and lows, success and |
| of disillusionment. Typically, this occurs two to three | | | | disappointment, discovery and rediscovery. Along this |
| years into a relationship. | | | | journey, successful couples hold onto the reasons they |
| During disillusionment, the intensity of passion and | | | | fell in love in the first place and they find new reasons |
| infatuation wanes and you begin to notice the | | | | to deepen their existing love. |
| differences that exist between you and your | | | | It is the awareness of these normal stages of love |
| partner--differences that require compromise, | | | | and commitment to the long-term survival of the |
| negotiation and patience. The calm sky that once | | | | relationship that sustain couples during times of |
| steadied your relationship gives way to pockets of | | | | uncertainty and the stresses that all relationships face. |
| unsettling turbulence. Many couples are unprepared for | | | | To discover more about love and tips on a wide range |
| these changes and wrongly assume that their | | | | of relationship issues, sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE |
| relationship is inherently flawed or that they are no | | | | Relationship Toolbox Newsletter by visiting |
| longer "in love" with each other. | | | | As a bonus, you will receive Dr. |