| id="body"> | | | | way of effectively teaching that you can protest all |
| When your marriage is in trouble and you're fighting to | | | | you want, but many things are out of your control and |
| keep it afloat, it's time to throw anything that isn't | | | | always will be. You can't control what your spouse |
| helping you overboard. You need all your wits about | | | | chooses to do or if others criticize your approach to |
| you to be able to handle the crisis and tackle the | | | | saving your marriage. You can only control your own |
| problems. Anything that's an impediment or hindrance | | | | decisions and actions. |
| has to go. | | | | 5. Toss out the temptation to tell others all of the juicy |
| During this time of confusion and stress, you only have | | | | details of what's happening or how your spouse has |
| a limited amount of energy and time, and you have to | | | | "done you wrong." Be discrete in who you talk to and |
| put those resources where they count the most. You | | | | in what you say. Later, if you stay married, it may be |
| don't have time or energy to waste if you're going to | | | | difficult for family and friends to feel comfortable |
| be successful to help you stop divorce. | | | | around the two of you if you've painted your partner |
| What do you need to consider throwing overboard? | | | | as a "louse." You can let others know that you're going |
| The following eight recommendations can help you to | | | | through a hard time and need their support without |
| decide what to let go: | | | | divulging every detail. |
| 1. Release your need to be "right." If you're intent on | | | | 6. Release your need to handle everything on your |
| winning arguments or proving that your partner is | | | | own without outside help. It just makes good sense to |
| wrong, you are hurting your chances of creating a | | | | use resources that are available, such as counseling. |
| win-win situation in your marriage for you and your | | | | The objectivity and experience of a professional |
| spouse. Does it really matter in the long run who's | | | | counselor can help you to explore your options and |
| "right" or "wrong"? Or is it more important to create a | | | | make a wise decision that's right for you and your |
| harmonious marriage where the opinions of both | | | | marriage. And everything will be kept private and |
| partners are respected? | | | | confidential. |
| 2. Let go of worrying about what others think or say. | | | | 7. Let go of trying to make everything okay for |
| No marriage is perfect, and if others find out or | | | | everyone else. It's not possible to please everyone, so |
| suspect that you're having problems, don't let that | | | | that's a losing battle. You can't pretend you're happy in |
| concern you. If they stay married long enough, they'll | | | | your marriage just so your parents don't get upset, and |
| eventually encounter problems, also, if they haven't | | | | you can't pretend everything is okay just so you don't |
| already. There's a wonderful saying that I find helpful, | | | | hurt your spouse. Sometimes the chips just have to fall |
| "What you think of me is none of my business." | | | | where they fall and that's it. Everyone else has to |
| 3. Give up preconceived notions of how you should | | | | cope with it and adjust. |
| react in certain situations. Maybe you've always said | | | | 8. Give up the need to have others agree with your |
| that if your partner had an affair, you'd end the | | | | decision. It's certainly easier when others agree, but it's |
| marriage. But each situation is different, and there's not | | | | not necessary. Just because your best friend urges |
| an across-the-board answer that fits every case. | | | | you to divorce due to your spouse's affair, that doesn't |
| You'll want to look carefully at your particular situation | | | | mean that's necessarily the best decision for you. It's |
| and the extenuating circumstances and then make a | | | | your life, and you have to live with the consequences |
| careful decision that's right for you. | | | | of your decisions and actions, so be sure that |
| 4. Throw out your demands to be in control. Life has a | | | | whatever you choose to do is what you really want. |