| You want the first year of married life to be blissful. | | | | nerves before will have you biting your tongue until it is |
| But did you know that many brides find the first year | | | | blue for how badly you want to get in there and fix |
| of marriage to be stressful, even humbling in the | | | | him! Don't do it! It puts you in the role of mama to his |
| degree to which that first year challenges the | | | | little boy and it will quench desire faster than anything |
| marriage? You can nip the top three mistakes brides | | | | will. |
| make in the bud, increasing the likelihood that your | | | | If you want to send a man to his cave, then treat him |
| honeymoon period will last and last and last! | | | | like a little boy and cut loose with your desire to fix him, |
| First Mistake | | | | make him better, improve him, etc. etc. It will bring that |
| The first mistake is the belief that you have to be | | | | honeymoon feeling to a screeching halt and you may |
| perfect. This mistake leads to all kinds of behavioral | | | | not be able to get it back. |
| and emotional changes that cause your new husband | | | | Instead, try remembering what you found delightful |
| to wonder who you really are! | | | | about him in the first place. Trust the fact that he is an |
| When you believe you have to be the perfect wife, | | | | adult male who has taken perfectly good care of |
| you discover this belief permeates every corner of | | | | himself up to this point. He may not do things or say |
| your life. You may not have given much thought to | | | | things the way you do, but that doesn't give you the |
| your neighbors before, but now you want to make a | | | | right to judge him, find him lacking, and determine how |
| good impression because you are married. Now, when | | | | he needs to change to make you happy. |
| you throw a party, whether or not it goes well affects | | | | Third Mistake |
| both you and your husband especially if, with the party, | | | | The third mistake new brides make is relinquishing |
| you mean to impress key people in his life. | | | | self-respect and power, treating him like a father figure. |
| The first stage of married life can bring your nesting | | | | So many little girls grow up dreaming of that wonderful |
| instinct to the surface as you find you want your | | | | day when their father (and/or mother) will give her |
| home to be beautiful and clean all the time. The | | | | away to Prince Charming. Even here in the 21st |
| difference now is you are sharing your space with a | | | | century, the romantic fantasy of the perfect wedding |
| man who has claim to you as family. | | | | can cause a woman to forget how capable, powerful, |
| If your marriage includes the first home and real yard | | | | effective, and productive she is in other aspects of her |
| you have had as an adult, suddenly there is a whole | | | | life. That wedding day, with all its preparations, can feel |
| yard of grass, plants, and weeds making an impression | | | | like the pinnacle of success! |
| on the neighbors and only so much time in a weekend | | | | It isn't the pinnacle. There is a lot more life to lead |
| to get it all taken care of. Since you want to look nice | | | | beyond the wedding date with a number of more |
| for the neighbors, pulling weeds on a regular basis | | | | successes to have. In the meantime, until that reality |
| becomes a hated past time. | | | | sets in, it is easy to confuse one's husband with one's |
| You stretch for perfection in all these activities and | | | | parents, especially the father figure. If you are not |
| more only because you are now married. In the | | | | careful, you will find yourself making decisions hoping |
| process, you put pressure on yourself to perform in | | | | your husband will rescue you from yourself. This can |
| ways that drain you from the things you most love | | | | result in bad decorating choices, poor work related |
| and enjoy. Truly, no one asks this level of perfection | | | | decisions, trusting the wrong people, adopting pets too |
| from the bride except the bride herself! | | | | early or too many, getting pregnant too early, etc. etc. |
| If you have a Type "A" personality, all the extra | | | | The most fulfilling romantic relationships are those |
| pressure may work for you for awhile and it may not | | | | between equal partners who understand the |
| cause you to appear a stranger to your husband; | | | | differences of gender and enjoy a lifetime of |
| however, reaching for this kind of perfection puts a | | | | discovering the mystery of each other. Trying to be |
| damper on the honeymoon phase of your relationship! | | | | perfect, turning him into your son, making him like a |
| It is impossible to try to be the perfect wife and not | | | | father will spend your energy until you feel dried up, full |
| wind up with basketfuls of resentment all around you. If | | | | of resentment, and longing to feel young and in love |
| you are not a Type "A" personality, the resentment | | | | again, wondering if you made a mistake. The drive to |
| can be overwhelming. It isn't worth it! | | | | make these mistakes seems ingrained in the females |
| If you find yourself reaching for perfection because | | | | of the human species. However, that doesn't mean |
| you are now a married bride, take a good long look at | | | | you don't have a choice. You do not have to be a |
| that desire and consider giving it up. If you just have to | | | | victim of relationship circumstances. Furthermore, the |
| reach for it anyway, at least start a list of things you | | | | idea that the first year of marriage is the hardest does |
| can let go of when it gets to be too much! | | | | not have to be your reality! |
| Nothing sets a woman up to choose being right over | | | | You get to choose how your first year will be, and |
| connection with her beloved the way reaching for | | | | every year after that! When you feel you are on the |
| perfection will. Trust us. Let this one go! | | | | verge of one of these mistakes, or even smack-dab in |
| Second Mistake | | | | the middle of one, treat it like a bad habit and make |
| The second mistake is treating him like a child, trying to | | | | another choice! Be with the discomfort of needing to |
| fix him now that he is legally yours! Have you heard | | | | be perfect, wanting to fix him, or wanting to relinquish |
| the advice that you cannot change anyone else; you | | | | your power to him and make another choice. Your |
| can only change yourself? These days, with couples | | | | shift in gears on these issues will add to your mystery |
| being comfortable living together before marriage, they | | | | and allure to your beloved. He will sense your respect |
| find themselves on the receiving end of all kinds of | | | | for him and for yourself and he will love it. He will |
| relationship advice. The fact that you cannot change | | | | cherish you for it. |
| anyone else; you can only change yourself is one of | | | | Then you will be able to get back to the feelings and |
| those that top the advice list for couples. | | | | actions of the love and married bliss of the |
| There is something about getting married though. | | | | honeymoon period. You may even become the envy |
| When he becomes yours body and soul and in the | | | | of all your friends for the degree to which you two |
| eyes of God and man, his deficiencies seem to cry | | | | simply love and like each other! |
| out for your attention. Things that never got on your | | | | |